Good stuff...

My sister Nicky is here! Yay! So good to see her and hang out with her and just talk endlessly. I am having fun introducing her to American stuff. She is amazed at peoples' appetites here and of course the portion sizes. She seems to like it here and she hasn't even seen Chicago yet.

In other news, I passed the RAC exam! Yay! That was a huge relief because I spent a lot of time studying for it. I scored pretty well too.

I need to find the battery charger for my camera so Nicky can take some pictures. Yesterday she went hiking in the Blue Mountains with Johannah and today she is exploring Harvard square. I wish Nida was here too, that would have been so much fun.

Chottu, if you're reading this, we miss you and love you!!! Muahs!

6 places I have lived..

1) Melaka, Malaysia
2) Riyadh, Saudi Arabia
3) Chennai, India
4) Chicago-IL, USA
5) Woburn-MA, USA
6) Cambridge-MA, USA

6 places I would like to live..

1) Lagos, Nigeria
2) Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
3) London, United Kingdom
4) Rome, Italy
5) New York City-NY, New York
6) Hong Kong, China

12 places I would like to visit..

1) Lima, Peru
2) Amsterdam, Netherlands
3) Prague, Czech Republic
4) Cairo, Egypt
5) Athens, Greece
6) Sydney, Australia
7) Suva, Fiji
8) Paris, France
9) Beunos Aires, Argentina
10) Madrid, Spain
11) New Delhi, India
12) Goa, India

Bleh...

Life is kinda bleh right now. I am studying for this exam at the end of this month, and I am pretty sure I am going to fuck it up. This is what happens to overly ambitious people. I turned 25 last month. Seems like the years have gone by so fast. I started this blog a month before I turned twenty. I guess in some ways life got better and in some ways it has gone downhill. Yeah, I am in a real shitty mood right now. I don't even know if I am sad or angry or what. I am just bleh. And I don't even know why. Oh well.

I am going to try to post more often.

21 more things...

1) I am a romantic, I might come off as tough but inside I am just a pile of mush.

2) Lately, random things make my chest hurt, mostly in a good excessive emotion kinda way - like babies and very old couples and the sound from acoustic guitars and the thought of a white beach and black starry nights.

3) I would do anything, absolutely anything to make my sisters happy, I think of them constantly and my biggest regret will always be not being around to watch my little sister grow up.

4) I would give anything to take my words back that seem to have cracked a friendship so much that even after forgiveness, we cannot seal the crack, it hurts when I think of it. I miss her.

5) I have realized in the past few months that Yemi is my soul mate, and my best friend - always and forever and that I will never really figure out what it is that binds us so close.

6) I have friends with whom I don't talk for months and months and when we do talk, it's like nothing changed and I am so grateful for that.

7) If I were to live my life again- knowing what I know now - I would live my teenage years very differently; however, I do believe that much of who I am now was shaped by those years.

8) As I grow older, I find myself becoming less of a bitch - it feels nice but almost feels like I am so much more vulnerable.

9) I am terrified of outliving my loved ones - it is my biggest fear. I always wish that I be the first one to go, so I would never have to experience that loss and pain.

10) I loved running to the lake by myself and sitting at the edge of that pier- I felt so small in the universe, like my issues and my problems were nothing compared to the magnificent world.

11) I always wish Margarita lived closer, in an ideal world; I would see her and hang out with her everyday. I seriously believe that one day we will live that close and that when we are old and gray we will sit on a porch and laugh and cry about our experiences together. She is like the older sister I never had.

12) I love my parents and many times I wish I had been a better daughter to them in the past. I believe my mom is the strongest and most patient woman I know.

13) I can't wait to have Yemi's babies.

14) I find that I am more hard working now than I ever was in my life, I wish I had been like this in college.

15) I constantly and obsessively think about what my future will be like.

16) I am fiercely loyal.

17) I wish I can sit some stranger down and tell him or her every single detail of my life, everything that has happened to me and then I wish I could tell them goodbye and never see him or her again. It would feel like a lot will be lifted off my chest.

18) I cry. Sometimes because I feel so happy, sometimes because I am so sad and sometimes because I feel so lucky.

19) I really do think I am lucky. I really do think there is someone up there who has my back.

20) I am really emotional right now and don't even know why.

21) Life is good, I really can't complain :o)

I miss...

...my yum, my friends, my family, my yum. Sigh, life sucks right now.

I'm searching...

..for a song that was in my head all day with my boo.

2008...

Lessons learned

1) Life is short
2) Living alone is a better option even if it more $$
3) Think twice before cutting hair short - easy to cut, hard to grow
4) Forgiving is hard, forgetting is impossible
5) Everybody deserves another chance
6) Don't cheat
7) Don't lie, the truth always comes out
8) Treat those you love with love
9) Cut out television, it takes away valuable time
10) Get to work before your boss and leave after your boss
11) Don't base your actions on what others think is right or best for you
12) Always remove make up before bed, no matter how tired
13) When you are feeling whiny or bitchy, listen to Randy Pausch's 'Last Lecture'
14) You are your own best friend
15) Trust your gut
16) If you think somebody is lying, they probably are
17) Sisters are the best
18) People don't really change
19) Travel
20) Don't take the Fung Wah bus to NYC
21) Sometimes you can get very very luck
22) There is a God
23) There is such a thing as quarterly life crisis
24) There is always someone with more problems than you
25) Get rid of clutter
26) The mind is stronger than everything
27) Self control does not come easy
28) Older people are wiser
29) Your parents do know better than you
30) Chicago is still the best city in the world
31) An intelligent mind is sexy
32) I am not invincible
33) Cry once in a while, it helps
34) Take pills on time
35) Check for cavities
36) Get physicals
37) Sleep a lot
38) Hard work pays off, sorta
39) Yes, we can!
40) Save
41) Eat vegetables
42) Take vitamins
43) Hug, love and smile :o)

Invincibility, election day, India trip...

Yes, it has been a very long time since I posted. Life has been so busy.

First - invincibility. As I grow older, I feel my feelings of invincibility are dissipating. I remember being in my late teens and even a couple of years back and feeling like I could get through anything, that I was so strong mentally and physically that no one and nothing could break me. As time passes, I don't feel that invincible anymore. I am not implying that I am weaker mentally or physically but I am now more aware of my vulnerability and faults than I was ever before. In short, I am getting "soft". In some ways it is scary but in many ways it feels like I have finally grown up. I recently told my aunt about this feeling and she said that it is a sign of growing up, when you recognize that you really are not as invincible and strong as you used to think you are. It is she said, a sign of maturity to recognize your own flaws and submit to humility by realizing that everything and everyone is delicate and can break. In regards to this, recognizing that I too can break and that I too can be sensitive and soft and sometimes so dependent on people around me is humanizing on so many different levels. But maybe, this is because in some ways my life is coming together, slowly but surely and my guards are down. Sometimes I am not so sure it is a good thing but most of the time I feel content with being a little soft, a little more trusting and little more nice. In short, I am just not the bitch I used to be ;o)

Election day- This is going to be a historic day and if Obama wins it will be great to live in the US - it will truly be a statement of how far America has come. It makes me very emotional although I can't vote to realize that the lines of race can be deep but sometimes deep not in a bad way but a good way - I think it is just the principle of it, the fairness of it, that if he wins, everything is not prejudiced and as cliche as this might sound- there's hope :o)

India trip - yes, yes yes! I am on my way to see my momma! Right now at JFK waiting for flight to Brussels and then to good ol' Chennai. One flight down, two more long ones to go! It's been almost three years since I saw my family. This will be a good month. Adios for now!

A Central Square update...

I live in Central Square in Cambridge now. I absolutely love it. Central Square is located between Kendall Square and Harvard Square, so between Harvard and MIT. My room is small but cozy. Central Square has everything I would ever need within a few minutes walking distance. It is so alive and busy even late at night, just the way I like it. There are a lot of locally owned independent shops. There are many restaurants with every cuisine possible, there are many used book stores which I love and many unique furniture stores and coffee shops too. There is a CVS, a Walgreens and a Bank of America very close too. I feel less tired now and actually enjoy waking up in the morning and going to work, thanks to a 12 minute commute by train or a 20-25 minute walk.

Some places I have visited in Central Square so far:

The Tavern in the square

A sports bar. Mediocre food -- a little pricey, slow service, nice laid back ambiance, good music alternating with a couple of crappy songs.

Link: http://www.taverninthesquare.com/

Hollywood Express

Independent Video store. Excellent collection, has movies sorted by directors in a section of the store which I like and an extensive foreign movies section. There is a Blockbuster down the street too but I am a member at Hollywood Express because it doesn't seem as cold and chain-ish. Rented two movies- Mississippi Masala and The Virgin Suicides

--Mississippi Masala - Denzel Washington is super cute. The Indian chick is hot too. The Indians in the movie are fun too watch. A good movie which kinda hits home.

--The Virgin Suicides - Haven't watched it yet. I have been wanting to read the book for a while but I guess I'll watch the movie first this time.

Link: http://www.hollywoodexpressvideo.com/

1369 Coffee House

I had a Thai Iced Tea from here. It was pretty good. No free Wi-fi though, and $3.95 per hour if you want to pay for internet. A nice cozy coffee shop.

Link: http://www.1369coffeehouse.com/

That's all for now :o)

Inspiration...

Listening to Randy Pausch's "Last Lecture" changed the way I look at life, obstacles, dreams and success..

Quotes from Randy's Last Lecture

We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.

Have something to bring to the table, because that will make you more welcome.

I probably got more from that dream and not accomplishing it than I got from any of the ones that I did accomplish.

When you see yourself doing something badly and nobody’s bothering to tell you anymore, that’s a very bad place to be. Your critics are your ones telling you they still love you and care.

Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.

The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough.

It’s very important to know when you’re in a pissing match. And it’s very important to get out of it as quickly as possible.

You just have to decide if you’re a Tigger or an Eeyore.

Loyalty is a two way street.

Syl said, it took me a long time but I’ve finally figured it out. When it comes to men that are romantically interested in you, it’s really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do. It’s that simple. It’s that easy.

You can’t get there alone. People have to help you and I do believe in karma. I believe in paybacks. You get people to help you by telling the truth. Being earnest.

Apologise when you screw up and focus on other people, not on yourself.

Don’t bail. The best of the gold’s at the bottom of barrels of crap.

Be good at something, it makes you valuable.

Find the best in everybody. Just keep waiting no matter how long it takes. No one is all evil. Everybody has a good side, just keep waiting, it will come out.

Be prepared. Luck is truly where preparation meets opportunity.

It’s not about how to achieve your dreams. It’s about how to lead your life. If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you.

RIP Randy

and Thank You.

25 updates/thoughts...

1) My comfort music is Eminem
2) I am moving August 1st to Central Square in Cambridge
3) I miss my parents and my sisters so much
4) Four more months till I see them again
5) And I miss Yemi so much too
6) I am tired of missing people
7) Everyone goes away
8) I don't want to get too attached to anyone again
9) I want to go back to being a carefree little kid again
10) I want to be strong again physically and mentally
11) I want to be completely healthy again
12) I don't want to live in fear
13) I don't want to think what if
14) It is humid in Boston
15) Dreaming of Mahjong nights and Coldplay nights
16) Second chances
17) College friends
18) New friends
19) Losing the cold edge
20) Giving in
21) Giving up
22) Being vulnerable
23) Royksopp's Tristesse Global
24) Acceptance
25) It's been exactly a year since I left Chicago

I hate Robert Mugabe...

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/africa/article4232169.ece

Soul mate...

I read this in a book titled "Eat, Pray and Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert and it makes SO much sense. Everything makes so much sense --

He probably was (your soul mate). Your problem is you don't understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with your soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can't let this one go. It's over. Your soul mate's purpose was to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heat open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life.

Upcoming trips...

June 6th to June 8th - New York City
July 2nd to July 7th - Chicago
July 11th to July 13th - New York City
July 17th to July 20th- Dallas
November 26th to December 11th - India
TBD - Lafayette
TBD - Washington, D.C.
TBD - New Jersey

I need...

..strength and patience.

Coldplay -- Till Kingdom Come

Steal my heart and hold my tongue
I feel my time
My time has come
Let me in
Unlock the door
I never felt this way before

And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummer begins to drum
I don’t know which way I’m going
I don’t know which way I’ve come

Hold my head inside your hands
I need someone who understands
I need someone, someone who hears
For you I’ve waited all these years

For you I’d wait 'til kingdom come
Until my day, my day is done
And say you'll come and set me free
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me

In your tears and in your blood
In your fire and in your flood
I hear you laugh, I heard you sing
I wouldn’t change a single thing
And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummers begin to drum
I don’t know which way I’m going
I don’t know what I’ve become

For you I’d wait 'til kingdom come
Until my days, my days are done
And say you'll come and set me free
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me

Love...

...it takes me by surprise everyday.

Apartment hunting...

So I am finally going to get a place of my own. I am moving out of my aunt's place in August or September. Rent is so steep in Boston. If I find a studio for around 900 dollars, I will be lucky. It feels good to know that soon I will have a home of my own. Some permanence for a while will be nice. Life is good. Can't complain. I miss my friends who are now spread out all over the world.I wish I could hang out with them after a long day of work. Sigh.

My dreams...

...are coming true. Slowly, stumbling :o)

24...

Realization.